T...

Today I'm feeling quite good. I had trouble yesterday, I had around 500 cals in the morning, and I ate the wrong food, which in turn elevated my blood sugar, inducing terrible cravings. So mental note of not doing that again. I'm a big irregular right now, I'm considering taking some Metemucil because I really don't like thinking that I have waste inside of me that only contributes to added weight. yuck. So in place of metemucil I had 1/4 cup of nuts and grains, 3 carrots sticks, and some lettuce with light Italian dressing. I hope it wasn't too much, since today is supposed to be my "off" day anyway.Since there is no takeout tomorrow, I'll get a hoaggie tonight, have it with lettuce, my fat free Italian, and mustard. I'll put it in the fridge and save it for tomorrow.Hopefully I won't suffer from the terrible cravings I encountered last night. I binged and purged on 3 candy bars and a roll with lettuce. I felt so disgusting, I knew that had to be somewhere around 800 calories. Ugh. Knowing that those calories would have been in addition to the 500 I had earlier in the day just made me purge it up again. Today I'm doing well though. I think I'm going to fast this whole weekend so that I won't be tempted to gorge at my last two days working in the dining hall, I know it's really tempting, and I don't want that.I'm down to 142 this morning, minus liquids of course. I hope to be 143 at the end of today. They had green tea at the dining hall. I was mad psyched about that. I'm so psyched to be living off campus next semester, that way I can cook for myself! Yippee! No more of this sickening fattening dining hall food. It's not even that it's that terrible for you, but I don't know how it was prepared, what oils went in to it, if that's fat free may or not, those uncertainties really fuck with me. When I cook for myself, I can be innovative, add new spices, and I know exactly (give or take a few) how many calories are being ingested. That is a very comforting thought for me, and I think I will be able to control the emotional rollercoaster a bit better. I've also decided to trying Veganism for a while. I'm already vegetarian, and I might as well cut out meat and milk and eggs while I'm at it, they're only fattening. I was having trouble cutting out the sugar free jello, especially since I was the one who got it served in all of the dining halls...but then the thought again of all the disgusting animal skin, bone, and sinew used to produce the gelatin is enough to turn me away from it, and I lose all the regrets I had. Ah well, this entry is getting kind of long, sorry I haven't written in a while, but my food thing was just messing with me too damn much. Ok, well I'm out. Later